


Patchwork

by penguingal, Schnaucl (Onetrackmind)



Series: Strength [2]
Category: Numb3rs
Genre: Incest, M/M, comment porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-17
Updated: 2007-02-17
Packaged: 2017-11-21 04:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/593648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penguingal/pseuds/penguingal, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onetrackmind/pseuds/Schnaucl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian's help had a price no one anticipated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Patchwork

As soon as Charlie got home he took another long shower. He scrubbed his skin until it was raw and still he felt unclean. He shouldn't feel like a failure. It shouldn't feel like betrayal. It wasn't as though Don had gone behind his back. Charlie had agreed to it, he'd even been sitting with him when it happened. And maybe, in retrospect, he should have left them alone. Except his own imagination might have been worse, and Don had said he needed him there.   
  
It didn't matter now anyway. It was done.  
  
He couldn't get the images of Don and Ian out of his head.   
  
His body was tight with tension and misery. Movement brought a physical ache that didn't even begin to compete with the pain in his heart.   
  
A few minutes later he was dressed in clean clothes, rolling chalk between his fingers as he willed the noise of the numbers to drown out Don's moans and Ian's murmured reassurances.   
  
....  
  
Don woke slowly, groaning at the pleasant ache of his arms and legs. He snuggled against the warm body at his side, dimly registering something off in the back of his mind. A warm hand stroked over the back of his neck and his hair and he groaned again. "Mmmm, Charlie..." he murmured, and in a flash, it all came back.  
  
He sat bolt upright in bed, blinking the sleep out of his eyes and looking over at the spot on the bed where Charlie should be. "Charlie... where's Charlie?"  
  
"Shh, easy, Don," Ian said, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. "He went to the garage."  
  
"Fuck," he swore quietly, pushing the heels of his hands into his eyes. "How bad was he?"  
  
Ian licked his lips and swallowed. "I've seen him better," he replied honestly.  
  
Don looked at him closely before pushing out of bed and starting to pull on his clothes. "Dammit! I should have known. I should have found another way to deal with this..."  
  
"Don," Ian said, grabbing his shoulders, "it wasn't your fault. There was no good solution. Charlie knew that."  
  
"Then why is he hiding in the garage?"  
  
"Because there was no way he could have possibly known how much it was going to hurt. Listen, you have no responsibility for what happened. I took it from you."  
  
"He's my brother, Ian. Not to mention my lover and my best friend. Just the fact that he was born second means I'm responsible for him! He only hides in the garage when he's in so much pain that he can't deal with the outside world and that's my fault," Don said, pulling his shirt over his head.  
  
"He's not hiding. He told me where he would be so you could find him," Ian said quietly.   
  
"Then let's go."  
  
"Okay. But just--take a minute. You need to figure out how you feel, not rush in there blind." He imagined coaxing Charlie out of the garage could be something like a hostage negotiation. It required skill, planning, and calm emotions.  
  
"How the hell am I supposed to feel? The one person in my life I would kill for is hurting because of me. I'm panicked and guilty and I need to get to him. So, please? Let's go."  
  
"Okay," Ian said quietly. "I'll drive." He still thought it was a bad idea for Don to go to Charlie as panicked as he was. His panic would only make Charlie's worse and it would turn into a vicious cycle. But Don had more experience dealing with Charlie than he did, and maybe he knew something Ian didn't. Or maybe he'd calm down a little on the car ride over.   
  
Don nodded and tossed Ian the keys, climbing into the passenger side of his SUV. He watched the side of the road, idly noting the buildings and houses as they passed. He had no clue what he was going to say to Charlie, how he could possibly fix what he had done. Pulling a piece of gum from the pack he kept in the glove box, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The closer he got to the house, the more relaxed he felt and when they finally pulled into the driveway, he almost felt normal, except for the fact that it was Ian next to him and not Charlie.  
  
"I think you should wait here," Don said, "at least for a few minutes. Where Charlie's head is right now, it'll look bad if we walk in there together."  
  
"Okay. I'll wait here until one of you comes to get me. Is your dad--?"  
  
"He's out of town. Wine tasting." Don opened the door, pausing when Ian caught his arm.   
  
"This isn't your fault," Ian said firmly.   
  
Don shut the car door without a word.  
  
He approached the garage door slowly, more like he was expecting a man with a gun inside instead of his little brother, but he knew Charlie wasn't likely to have consciously registered the sound of his car door closing and might be startled. He pushed the door open quietly and moved a few steps inside, just watching him for a moment. Pain radiated out of Charlie's body, even though his mind was lost deep in his numbers. It didn't matter what Ian said. That was his fault.  
  
"Hi, Charlie," Don said quietly.  
  
Charlie's hand on the chalkboard faltered for just a moment but quickly recovered. "Don." His gaze darted to another chalkboard, already full of a partial equation.  
  
He took another tentative step forward, biting his lip. He tried to think of something to say that wouldn't seem trite. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you."  
  
"I know. You did what you had to do. So did I." Charlie took a breath. "So did Ian, I think." He kept writing, though it was harder to focus on the numbers in his head.  
  
Don was close enough now to be able to reach out to brush Charlie's shoulder, but he didn't. He didn't think he could bear it if Charlie jerked away. "I love you so much," he said softly, trailing off when he didn't know what to say after that. "God, this is all my fault. You can't even look at me right now, can you?"  
  
"It's not your fault," he said automatically. "It's just--how you had to deal. And this is how I have to deal. So please. Just--"  
  
"It _is_ my fault. I would walk straight into hell to protect you from the things that could hurt you, you know that. I should have been able to think of something else."  
  
"I can't do this right now, Don. I just--can't."  
  
"I know. Ian tried to stop me from coming here, but I had to. I had to see you and at least tell you... tell you how much I love you. I had to control the panic from waking up without you there." He bit his lip again. "You'll call me when you can talk?"  
  
Don's words made him feel more guilty, more angry and bitter. He took a breath. "I will," he said, as gently as he could. "And you should--you should let Ian--help." It was hard to say, to force the words out. But if he couldn't be there for Don, someone should.  
  
"I don't need Ian's help," Don replied quietly. "I need you. I always will. You know where to find me when you're ready."  
  
Charlie didn't argue, although he wanted to. What was the point of all this if Don ended up broken again? If he'd been stronger maybe he could have buried everything he was feeling until later, until he was sure Don was okay. But maybe there would never be a time when he could show how he was affected without sending Don into another tailspin of his own. Maybe he would have had to bury it forever, until it consumed him.  
  
"Charlie..." Don started, turning around again and standing as close as he dared. "It's okay, you know. What you did for me... it helped a lot. I'm worried about you and I want you to do whatever you need to come back to me, but it's not going to break me again. You put me back together," he finished softly.  
  
"Then it was worth it," Charlie said softly. Even if it ended up destroying what they had, it was worth if it Don was whole again.  
  
His fingers ghosted down Charlie's spine. "I love you," he said again before turning for the door.  
  
....  
  
Ian sat up a little straighter in the car as he saw Don start down the driveway. He looked sad and exhausted but not broken, and that was something.   
  
Don climbed quietly into the car and looked at Ian. "He's in so much pain, Ian. I'm not sure if anything between the two of us will be the same again."  
  
Ian hesitated, then said, "It won't be. But that doesn't mean it can't be good."  
  
Don nodded slowly. "Yeah. I just--I can't lose him because of this." He took a deep breath. "There's nothing else either of us can do right now, not until the math works its magic. How about some coffee?"  
  
"I could use a cup. I can stay a few days, if you like. Or I can head back now, if you think that would be better."  
  
"Stay," Don said immediately. "It'll take some time for Charlie to come back up out of his head and I could use the company." He looked down. "I really appreciate everything you did for me."  
  
Ian reached over and squeezed Don's shoulder. "I'm glad I could help."  
  
Don smiled and rubbed the back of his neck, wondering at the tiny thrill that went through him from the innocuous touch. As much as he loved Charlie, as much as he knew Charlie was the only person for him, there was this undeniable pull from Ian that he couldn't fully explain. Something to do with raw power and animalism occasionally tempered with an unexpected kindness and gentleness. He coughed to clear his throat. "Come on, there's a good diner not too far from here."  
  
"Are you feeling any better?"  
  
Don nodded. "Some. I'm still worried about Charlie. He doesn't come out of something like this easily. But seeing him helped. I just--I needed to see him. Even when we fight, we're still around each other all the time... waking up with out him startled me more than anything. Though I'm glad you were there."  
  
"I'm glad I was there, too. It will really help him, the math?" he asked, turning into the parking lot of the diner.  
  
"Better than binge drinking and strip clubs," Don said with a smile, which turned into a laugh at Ian's look. "Something Terry said to me once," he explained as they got out of the car, telling him briefly about the Charm School Boys and Charlie's reaction.  
  
"So you see, he and I have gone down this road a couple times already."  
  
Ian nodded thoughtfully.  
  
Breakfast was quiet, although not uncomfortable.  
  
"I have some things I need to get done today, resupply and stuff. You're welcome to come along--" Ian said as they were leaving.  
  
"Thanks, but I better stick close to the apartment and my phone in case Charlie calls," Don said. "But I'll make sure I get in touch with you again before you leave."  
  
....  
  
Don mostly drifted aimlessly around the apartment, setting the bedroom to rights and restashing the cuffs in the closet. He tried to sit and watch a movie on television but discovered he was too restless. It felt wrong anyway, without the weight of Charlie's head on his shoulder. He went for a run and took a shower and still there was nothing from Charlie.   
  
He glanced at his watch. It was just after 5 and Don was betting Charlie was still standing at the chalkboard. Chances were he'd barely stopped at all during the day, and without their Dad at home to pry him away for food, he probably also hadn't eaten. Don grabbed his car keys, stopping only to pick up dinner for both of them before going to the house. Sure enough, the light was still on in the garage and the rest of the house was dark.  
  
"Dinnertime, Chuck," Don announced as he pushed gently through the door.  
  
Don had to repeat himself before Charlie gave any sign that he'd heard him.   
  
"Thanks. You can just set it on the table," Charlie said absently.  
  
"Yeah, but if I do that I'll come back tomorrow and it will be untouched," Don said lightly.  
  
He stepped over to the desk and opened the cartons of Chinese food. He'd made sure to get Charlie's favorites, hoping that would help to lure him away. "Come on, buddy. You need to eat."   
  
Retreating away from the food, Don sat himself on the couch and curled up with his own carton, waiting to see what Charlie would do.  
  
Charlie hesitated, sighed, and reluctantly put his chalk down.   
  
"Thanks," he said gruffly, picking up a carton.  
  
"You're welcome," Don said quietly. He watched as Charlie stood almost absently in the middle of the room, hovering as he tried to decide where the best place to perch would be. Sliding over, Don made enough room for him on the couch, leaving plenty of space so that they wouldn't have to touch if Charlie didn't want to.  
  
"Did you make any progress today?" he asked seriously, nodding at the boards.  
  
"Some," he said, shrugging a narrow shoulder. "It's work, not P vs NP," he said quietly.  
  
"Oh, good. On both counts," Don said quietly, keeping his eyes on his food. "Listen, I know you don't want to talk about it right now but you should know that I spent the day alone. I mean... Ian didn't--stay."  
  
"Thank you. But you didn't--are you okay? If you needed to be around someone..."  
  
"I told you this morning," Don said gently, lifting his eyes to Charlie's, "I don't need Ian. Not now. You did an amazing thing for me, and it made me realize that I'm not the only one who'd cross lines. You helped me, buddy. Let me help you in return."  
  
"How?" he asked softly.  
  
Don considered Charlie for a moment and then put his food aside. He crossed to Charlie slowly. "By showing you that you are the most important person in my life, and that I'm only really, totally whole when I'm with you."  
  
Tentatively, he placed his hands lightly on Charlie's shoulders, giving him plenty of opportunity to pull away as he drew him into a soft, gentle kiss, hardly more than a press of their lips together.  
  
"But I can't give you what you need," Charlie said, voice hoarse.  
  
"You did. You gave me Ian. You sacrificed yourself to put me back together. So you see, it was really you that helped me. Ian was just the means." He rubbed his hands up and down Charlie's arms. "I am sorry that there wasn't a better way. But I think that this experience has given me a way to deal so that I won't break quite so easily."  
  
"But if you do?"  
  
"We'll find a better way, one that doesn't hurt either of us. I swear we will." Don wrapped Charlie's hands in his and squeezed them. "The repercussions of all this are far too great and I don't ever want to take this risk again. I can't lose you."  
  
Charlie squeezed Don's hands. "I can't lose you, either. And I can't leave you broken. Maybe--I could learn to do for you what Ian did."  
  
Pausing, Don considered that. There was something thrilling about the idea of Charlie taking control, taking him like that. But could he ever submit to his little brother the way he did to Ian? Given enough time, maybe. Charlie'd learned everything else, was willing to be anything else he needed, why not this?  
  
He licked his lips and smiled softly. "It may take me some time, but I'm willing to give it a try if you are."  
  
"I am. It was--a lot harder than I thought it would be."  
  
Don wrapped his arms around Charlie and held him close, a surge of relief flooding him. "I know, buddy. But we got through it."  
  
"Don--we're not through it yet."  
  
Confused, Don pulled back to look in Charlie's eyes and his heart ached a little at the pain he still saw there. He stroked his thumb over Charlie's cheek. "Are we at least on the right track?"  
  
"Yeah. Yeah, we're on the right track."  
  
"I'm glad. Come on," Don said, tugging gently on Charlie's hand, "let's finish our dinner and then maybe we can find a movie or something to watch together. How does that sound?"  
  
"That sounds good," he said quietly.  
  
"Good," Don said, going back to the couch to retrieve his food. He offered his hand to Charlie, wanting to lead him out of the garage and into the living room. "Listen," he said when Charlie placed his hand lightly in his, "I know things will never be exactly the same between us. But I believe that we'll come out of this stronger for it, okay?"  
  
"I really hope so. And I'm glad you're better, Don. I really am."  
  
"I am, too, buddy," Don said softly. They sat together on the couch as they finished eating. It was quiet but comfortable, and Don flipped through channels afterwards until he found a palatable movie. He turned off the lamps in the room and then settled next to Charlie, holding his hand. He would prefer to have Charlie curled against him like usual, but he wasn't going to force the issue.  
  
"What was it like?" Charlie asked quietly, eyes still on the tv.  
  
Don could feel himself blush and he shifted uncomfortably. He glanced over at Charlie.  
  
"Tell me, Don."  
  
Closing his eyes briefly, Don took a deep breath and tried to explain. "It was... strange. It was like he knew how I was going to react before I did. And eventually, when he broke me down far enough, there was nothing. Just pure sensation and automatic reaction. I was barely there with him, especially because he wasn't letting me think."  
  
"Is that--what you want?" Charlie asked, fidgeting with his hands. "I'm just--trying to understand."  
  
Don placed his hand gently on top of Charlie's. "No, that's not what I want. It was what had to be done at the time. It gives me pleasure to be able to give you pleasure. I want to be able to enjoy your reactions, enjoy you."  
  
"Why couldn't I do it for you?" Charlie asked softly.  
  
"Because since we were kids all I heard was, 'Take care of your brother, he's younger than you.' In some way I'm always going to want to put your needs over mine; I'm always going to want to take care of you. And with Ian, I didn't have to care. He didn't even want me to care."  
  
Charlie took a deep breath. "That's not why we're together, is it?" he asked, forcing himself to watch Don closely.  
  
"God, no," Don said, meeting Charlie's eyes. "The fact that we're together flies in the very face of that. You know how long I debated and denied this. Because I wanted to protect you from... well, from me."  
  
"Okay," Charlie said, letting out a breath. "Okay."  
  
"I love you, Charlie," Don said quietly, "in so many ways."  
  
"I love you, too, Don. It's just--difficult, thinking about you with someone else."  
  
Don nodded. "I understand. Is there anything I can do?"  
  
Charlie shook his head. "It'll just take a little time." He was quiet for a minute. "Why didn't you tell me about the handcuffs?"  
  
"I don't know. I guess I didn't see any reason to. I didn't really have any desire to use them on you and I'd never had them used on me." He paused and then said very quietly, "Though--it might be okay if you used them on me every now and then. As part of your learning."  
  
"Okay. I wish I knew of some way to make this right. Better."  
  
Slowly, Don turned Charlie's head so he was facing him. "Maybe--maybe I can help you replace that memory?" He leaned down slowly, drawing Charlie forward and kissing him, long and deep and passionate.  
  
Charlie returned Don's kiss hesitantly. He wasn't ready to let go completely yet. This wasn't going to be solved in a day.  
  
He could feel the tension in Charlie's body and he broke the kiss just as slowly. Without commenting, he returned his attention to the movie, his arm wrapped lightly around Charlie's shoulders. They sat in silence that wasn't uncomfortable, just odd. Don was used to having Charlie point out the logical flaws in the movie until he silenced him with a kiss. Instead, the movie ended and the credits rolled, and Charlie still hadn't said another word. Flipping one of the lights back on, Don picked up Charlie's hand and kissed the knuckles lightly. "Unless you'd like me to stay, I guess I should get going. Try to at least sleep tonight, okay?" he said gently.  
  
Charlie nodded. "Maybe we could try again tomorrow."  
  
"I'd like that," Don said, stroking his fingers along Charlie's jaw and kissing him lightly. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."  
  
"Tomorrow," Charlie agreed. "Don, I still love you," he said softly.  
  
Don stopped and turned, halfway to the door. "I know. And I'm glad. Give me a call tomorrow."   
  
They waved and Don closed the door quietly behind him. He was a block away before the shaking started. The thought that Charlie might not love him any more because of this hadn't occurred to him and the shock of that was enough to send his mind spinning. He took a deep breath and forced his body back under control. It was okay. It was all going to be okay. It had to be.  
  
....  
  
His bed was cold and lonely. Normally whenever their Dad was gone Charlie spent his nights with Don. But he wasn't ready for that yet. Don had been fucked by another man, and Charlie had encouraged him to do it. He didn't know how to reconcile that with the feeling that he only wanted Don, that they should only want each other.  
  
....  
  
He barely remembered the drive back to his apartment, his thoughts insisting on circling back to what Charlie had said. Listless, he unlocked the door and headed for the bedroom. It was starting to get late and he really should go to bed, but all he could do was stand in the doorway and stare at the mattress. Just over 24 hours ago, Ian had him pinned there, helpless and needy and it had been thrilling and awful all at the same time.   
  
Pulling his jacket off and tossing it into the other room, Don stripped the bed, balling the dirty sheets up and tossing them in the hamper. He pulled the clean sheets taught, slipped the pillows into their cases, and folded the top sheet down. Still, he just couldn't bear the thought of slipping between sheets that should have been warmed by Charlie's body heat but instead would be cold and empty. He stretched out on the couch instead, a blanket pulled up under his chin with a movie eventually lulling him into fitful sleep.  
  
....  
  
He still hadn't found any answers by noon the next day, but he called Don anyway.  
  
Don jumped at the sound of the phone, rolling his eyes at himself as he realized he'd been standing in the center of the room chewing absently on a thumbnail. "Hi, Charlie. Before you say anything let me say, I'm sorry. I wish I could have been stronger for you. I wish I could have spared you all this. Coming back here alone last night, I could see everything the way you must have and--and it nearly made me sick to my stomach. I don't know what to do to make this right, or if I can, but I wanted you to know if I could go back and do it over you would be all I ever needed." He took a deep breath and held it, finally out of words.  
  
After a long beat of silence, Charlie said, "Why don't you come over and we'll talk."  
  
He took a deep breath. "Okay. I'll be there soon."  
  
....  
  
The drive was another blur and it seemed in almost no time, he was standing on the porch staring at the front door. Not once, not even when he'd been so far past curfew was it a guarantee that he wouldn't be seeing free daylight for a whole month, had he ever been afraid to open that door. But this time, there was a sense of a very big change waiting just beyond it and he just didn't know how he was going to face it. Rolling his eyes at himself again, he muttered, "Come on. You can do this." And he slowly opened the door and stepped inside.  
  
"Hey," Charlie said softly. He sat on the couch, knees drawn up to his chin and gestured for Don to sit down. "This isn't your fault," he said abruptly. "It's our fault."  
  
"What do you mean?" Don asked, curling one leg under him so he could face Charlie when he sat.  
  
"I mean this is something we both agreed to. I don't want you to think that I'm putting all the blame on you."  
  
"I don't," Don said quietly. "I just, last night I saw things from your perspective and I really realized how deeply it hurt you. I do wish there had been a way to spare you that."  
  
"I wish we'd found a better way, too," Charlie agreed. "I wish I knew how to help you last time."  
  
"Until Ian was there, I'm not sure I even knew what was going to help," Don said honestly. "And then we were all flirting and you kissed him, and when he kissed me I could taste you. It was just so easy to surrender to him completely. I'm sorry. That probably doesn't help."   
  
Inching forward he placed a hand on Charlie's knee. "So, what do we do now?"  
  
"Learn from our mistakes. Try to find a way past it. I love you, Don. And we'll find a way to make this work."  
  
"I love you, too Charlie," Don replied, pushing up to his knees and leaning over him to kiss him deeply.  
  
Charlie returned the kiss. "No one else for us," he said softly.  
  
Don nodded. "No one else." He tipped his head back and pulled him into another kiss, sealing his promise.  
  
Charlie relaxed a little. They weren't suddenly okay, but it was a start. Charlie initiated the next kiss, slow and sweet.  
  
With Charlie's kiss, Don felt like he could finally breathe again and he relaxed into it, letting it bleed into another. He stroked Charlie's curls gently, trying to push down the craving for him surging through his blood. He always hated being without Charlie for any reason, but being without him like this had made him aware of just how badly he needed him.  
  
Charlie returned the kiss and clung to Don tightly. "I hate it when things aren't right between us."  
  
"Me too," Don whispered, gathering Charlie into his arms and just running his hand up and down his back. "Hate being without you."  
  
"Are we going to be okay?"  
  
"I think so. But you tell me," he said gently, still caressing and soothing him.  
  
"I think so. I hope so."  
  
"Good," Don said, threading his fingers into Charlie's hair and tipped his head back for a long, passionate kiss, his free hand slipping just under the hem of Charlie's shirt.  
  
Charlie hesitated, and then said very softly, "Was he better than me?"  
  
"No," Don replied honestly, pulling back enough to look into Charlie's eyes. "You're exactly what I need in every way. Nothing could ever beat that." He sat back against the couch, pulling Charlie with him and tucking him securely against his side.  
  
"You're everything," he said softly.  
  
"Okay." Charlie offered a small smile and willed himself to believe.  
  
"Ian... he said," Don started hesitantly, "he promised that he'd take good care of you while I couldn't. Did he? Did he at least try? Everything that happened after--well, after--is a blur."  
  
"Yeah, he tried. I just--wasn't in a place where anyone could take care of me. You know?"  
  
"Yeah, I know. You wouldn't have headed straight for the garage if you were," he said softly, holding Charlie tight. "I love you."  
  
"I love you, too, Don."   
  
They sat there together for a long time, mostly quietly, just reacquainting themselves with the feel of each other, the warmth and touch. The rest of the healing would come in time. They just had to wait for it.  
  
....  
  
A few days later, Don was in the kitchen trying to figure out if the pasta sauce needed more oregano when he heard Charlie's key in the door. Things had slowly started to get closer to normal for them, and it was good to have Charlie's energy back in the apartment.  
  
"I'm in here, buddy!" Don called.  
  
"Hey," Charlie said quietly, putting an arm around Don's waist. "Smells good."  
  
"Thanks. Here, taste this," Don directed, lifting the spoon to Charlie's lips.  
  
"Mm. Perfect."  
  
Don smiled and kissed him quickly. He was about to ask how his day had gone when there was a knock at the door. "Stir this for me?" he asked, pressing the spoon into Charlie's hand.  
  
"Sure." Charlie stirred the pot, tensing a little when he heard Ian's voice.  
  
"I'm heading out today and I just wanted to stop by, see how everyone was doing," Ian said, following Don into the kitchen.  
  
Don walked straight over to Charlie and pulled him against his chest, propping his chin on his shoulder as he faced Ian, one arm wrapped casually around his waist. He felt Charlie relax a little into him. "We're doing okay. We get a little bit more okay every day."  
  
Ian nodded, watching Charlie closely. Don may as well have put up a sign saying hands off.  
  
Deciding it'd be best to keep his distance, Ian kept the table between them and one eye on Charlie as he talked. "I'm glad. You two are really good together, good for each other. I would have hated to see something happen to that."  
  
"I know," Don said quietly.   
  
"I'm sorry things got so messed up," Charlie said.  
  
Ian waved the comment off. "Don't worry about it. There was no way any of this was going to be easy on either of you. I'm just glad we're all able to come out of it on the other side. Still friends, Professor?"  
  
"Yeah," Charlie said, offering a small smile. "Still friends. I know you were trying to help and you've been really good about--after."  
  
"Every now and then my humanity gets the best of me. Really must watch that," he said, dropping Charlie a wink. "Well, since everyone is okay, I'd better hit the road. The next scumbag is waiting." He walked over and shook both their hands. "I'll catch up with you the next time around."  
  
Pausing, still holding Charlie's hand and looking in Charlie's eyes, he said to Don, "I hope you know how lucky you are, Eppes. Because he really is stunningly pretty."  
  
Smiling a little, Don wrapped his arm around Charlie's shoulder and pulled him close. "Don't worry. I do."  
  
"Hey, I'm the complete package. Pretty face and brains."  
  
"That's very true, Professor," Ian laughed. He looked him over critically. "Shame. I would have liked to compare how you and your brother taste," he said softly, "but it looks like I missed my chance."  
  
"I'm afraid so," Charlie said quietly.  
  
Ian nodded, smiling a little ruefully. "It's just as well. I'd have been bad for you anyway. Take care of yourselves," he said, shaking hands again. "Take care of each other."  
  
"I'll walk you out," Don said, starting to move.  
  
But Ian held up his hand. "Don't worry, I can find my way. Enjoy dinner." And he turned and left, shutting the door behind him softly.  
  
"Do you think he's okay?" It occurred to Charlie for the first time that maybe Ian was hurting, too.  
  
"I don't know. I think so. I think he was attracted to you--maybe to us. But Ian's a practical guy. He understands."  
  
"It's not too late to invite him for dinner. Just dinner. Unless you think that would make it worse."  
  
"I'm afraid that might be like taunting him with something that he can't have," Don said quietly. "But he might like the chance to see us together in some semblance of normalcy, seeing as I wasn't exactly myself last time." He took Charlie by the shoulders and kissed him deeply before handing him his phone. "Call him."  
  
"Ian? It's Charlie. Would you like to join us for dinner?"  
  
Ian hesitated. "Are you sure, Charlie? I don't want to intrude."  
  
"Positive. I'm sorry. I didn't think about how this might affect you, too."  
  
"Thank you," Ian said. "Just let me turn around and I'll be there."  
  
"Good. He's coming," he told Don.  
  
"Okay," Don said, turning back to the pot and stirring it again. He was glad Ian and Charlie would have the chance to talk, but he still hadn't quite shaken the way Ian's hands had felt, the places his touch had sent him.  
  
"You sure you're okay with this?"  
  
"I'm sure," Don said, "but I need you to understand something. You are all I want and all I need, but that doesn't mean what happened with Ian wasn't powerful. Letting down my guard completely like that and even more having my control stripped away like that... I've never done that before, with anyone. It's going to take some time to deal with. And I imagine it's not easy for Ian to carry around with him something of mine that's so intensely personal either."  
  
Reaching out, he stroked his thumb over Charlie's bottom lip. "Do you understand?"  
  
"I'm trying," Charlie said quietly.  
  
"I know you are, and I appreciate it," Don replied, drawing Charlie forward for a warm, tender kiss. They broke apart just as there was a knock on the door. "You go answer it. I'll set a place for Ian and put dinner on the table."  
  
"Okay." He gave Don a quick kiss and went to answer the door.  
  
"I'm glad you came back," he said to Ian, letting him in.  
  
"Thanks for inviting me back. Wasn't sure you two would really want to see me," Ian said, making his way to the kitchen.  
  
Don met Ian's eyes and a flood of sense memory washed over him. He looked away quickly, praying that Charlie didn't notice. Since Ian, he and Charlie hadn't made love. He understood the reasons why, but he ached for Charlie's touch. In lieu of that, his body seemed determined to fall back on the last experience it'd had.  
  
Charlie caught his wrist. "Still friends. Even if everything got all screwed up--we were all trying to do the right thing."  
  
Ian met Charlie's eyes as Don busied himself putting the food on the table. "Thanks. To both of you."  
  
Don smiled softly as they sat, the three of them starting to dish the food out in silence.  
  
"I'm sorry, Don," Ian said after a moment.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"It must be hard for you, as private and controlled as you are, to sit with the guy who made you strip all of that away. Has--has anyone besides Charlie ever seen you that vulnerable?"  
  
Don cleared his throat. "Charlie hadn't even seen me like that before. And it is hard, but for what it's worth, if there is anyone besides Charlie I trust that much, it's you. And I'm sorry, too. I'm sure the experience couldn't have been very--satisfying--for you."  
  
"It wasn't about that," Ian said, lifting a hand. He hid his surprise that Charlie'd never seen Don that vulnerable. Under ordinary circumstances, that would make sense, but since they were lovers as well as brothers...  
  
Charlie was quiet, keeping a tight rein on his emotions as a new thought occurred to him. Don didn't trust Ian as much as Charlie. He trusted him more.  
  
"Still," Don said, starting to dig in to his food. "I'm just glad you understood about me needing Charlie to be there. I do trust you Ian, out in the field there's no one's hands I would rather put my life in. But my heart? That belongs solely to Charlie. Him being there made all the difference."  
  
Charlie forced a small smile.   
  
"I know," Ian said, voice quiet.  
  
"I feel like I owe you an apology, too, Charlie," Ian continued. "If I had known how badly this would hurt you, I would have taught you what to do instead of doing it myself. Anyone can easily see that you two were made for each other."  
  
"Thank you," Charlie said honestly. "I appreciate that. I'm not sure we had that kind of time but--I'd still like to learn."  
  
"And I'm happy to teach you," Don said, looking up at Charlie and smiling. He reached over and squeezed his hand lightly.  
  
Ian smiled. "You'll be surprised how easy it is to learn. It takes a certain amount of stubbornness, but I don't think that's a trait you struggle with, Professor," he replied, winking.  
  
"No, it runs in the family," Charlie agreed.  
  
Don snorted and stuck out his tongue at Charlie.  
  
"What? It's true!"  
  
"Baby brother just might be right about that, Don," Ian teased, smiling around his forkful of food.  
  
"Hey, I thought we were supposed to be on the same side here!"  
  
Ian laughed. "Come on, Don, you should know by now that I'm more mercenary than anything else." He winked at Charlie.  
  
Shaking his head, Don let it go, stubbornly refusing to admit to his own stubbornness, and the rest of the meal passed much the same way, the quiet banter at least a temporary salve for the still-open wounds.  
  
As Charlie started to clear the table, Don leaned forward, looking levelly at Ian. "You said before, it wasn't about you or your own satisfaction. What was it about?"  
  
"Helping you. Helping Charlie."  
  
"I just can't help feeling like we used you in some way," Don said quietly. "You helped me so much and I don't have anything I can offer you in return."  
  
"I'm fine, Don. Really. I was happy to help."  
  
"Okay," Don nodded. "Well, if there's anything we can do..."  
  
"You'll be the first to know, I promise." Ian pushed himself up from the table. "Thank you for dinner. It was wonderful, but I really do need to get on the road now. Have gun, will travel as they say."  
  
"You take care of yourself."  
  
"Always," Ian said, shaking Don's hand one more time and squeezing his shoulder briefly. He walked over to where Charlie was placing dishes in the sink. Wrapping his arms around him, Ian hugged him tight for a brief moment. "Just remember that he chose you," he whispered, soft enough for Don not to hear, "and he keeps choosing you."  
  
He stepped back and met Charlie's eyes before turning away. "See you boys the next time around." And he left.  
  
"You okay?" Charlie asked quietly.  
  
"Yeah. You?"  
  
"I'm getting there."  
  
Don rubbed a hand up and down Charlie's arm. "Okay. What do you say to watching a movie? I have Proof sitting there."  
  
Charlie chuckled. "You trying to soften me up with movies about math?"  
  
"Only if it's working."  
  
"I'll get the popcorn."  
  
Don smiled and went into the living room, slipping the DVD in and then settling in his usual place on the couch. Charlie sat next to him, depositing the bowl of popcorn on the table, but he left a few inches of space between their bodies.   
  
Without commenting, Don started the film, knowing that it'd just take a little more time before things got back to normal. As the screen went dark and the opening credits started to roll though, Charlie snuggled against him, leaning his head on his shoulder. Smiling, Don pressed a kiss into his curls and wrapped an arm around him, holding him close, safe, and secure.


End file.
